Breakup or heartbreak is one of the hardest things you’ll experience in this life – research shows that the pain is equivalent to any physical pain. Loosing someone who meant the world to you, life quickly becomes meaningless, hopeless and at times even lead to depression. It gets harder and harder to keep your mind off the person and the pain will continue to haunt you for weeks, months or even years depending on how you deal with it.
Five lessons I learnt from my breakups over the years..
1. You’re not the first one to experience a breakup..
in-fact every human being that ever lived has gone through a breakup, betrayal, separation of some form in their lives. Heartbreak no matter how painful, is simply a chapter in everyone’s life. If billions of people could get through it – so can you. It has happened to everyone you know, your brothers, sisters, parents, friends – everyone has experienced heartbreak by separation being by a breakup, divorce or death. You too will get through this..
2. No one is to be blamed for a separation.
It’s very easy to get into a blame game and start thinking of all the ways your partner has wronged you. You’ll slowly realize that separations just happen without any valid reason at all, even you both might still be in love but for reasons beyond our understanding – relationships come to end. Very similar to ‘Life’ itself – no matter how healthy and fit you’re, how careful you’re – life ends without any good reason or warning.
Understanding this deeply – will liberate you of all the agony of criticizing yourself and blaming your partner for all the wrongs he/she has done. Please understand, that our feelings are sometimes not in our control, neither are our actions – it’s just one of those mysteries of life.. just like falling in love is simply a chemical reaction, falling out of love is a chemical reaction too. It got nothing to do with who you are, how you behaved or what went down between you guys.. all relationship runs it’s course, it just does and you can come up with a long list of reasons but the only reason that matters is – that relationships have an expiry date. Even the ones that survive for decades, the partners are finally separated by death and the one left behind suffers the brunt of the separation.
3. Every beginning has an end, and every end is a new beginning.
I know, right now you can’t even treat this breakup as anything good – but when I look back at the breakups in my life, invariably they all were the best thing that could happen to me for my life to unfold the way it has. I could never make sense of it then, but looking back today – I do not regret even one of them. Yes, there are fond memories and bitter memories and everything in between, but for me to become the person I’m today – to understand relationships, love, commitment, devotion and my own personal choices in life – those breakups were essential ingredient for my personal growth. So is yours – even if you cannot see it today.
4. You’ve a choice.
Heartbreak is one of the most intense emotional experience you’ll ever experience – it has so much energy that could either destroy you or propel you to new heights in life. People who uses their breakup as a foundation for the next phase of their life instead of as a scar, will be able to harness this incredible energy and turn it into something extra-ordinary.
Don’t let this stop you – instead let this experience propel you far into a space where you yourself with your regular life could not have reached.
5. Embrace and let go
Maybe you’re going through a temporary hiccup, I wish you guys get back together. I know right now, every ounce of your existence wants to go back to the feeling of being together – the way things were.
It’s not easy to let go or accept a new reality overnight – there’s a grieving process for any loss in life. So, take some time off, don’t try and harm yourself, don’t get into arguments or name calling over call or messages, be graceful – simply start looking at your life with positive expectations for the next chapter.
I’ve compiled a few videos – that will help you find more closure and deal with your heartbreak more maturely.
Hope you find the strength and get out on the other side stronger than ever.